A Light in the Dark

Back in May Ms J and I decided to pursue a relationship even though my divorce was not complete. Part of my thinking was that we will show the children what a relationship should look like. I think deep down, at least on my part, I was afraid of losing the amazing wonderful relationship I had found and did not want to let go of… not having faith and trusting God that that relationship would be there on the other side. Now that the divorce proceedings have dragged on and Ms J and my relationship has progressed I can’t help but wonder what the impact is on the kids and their perception of what a right relationship is.

Almost instantaneously we were mad for each other or should I say made for each other. Lots of things in common: Intelligence, Christianity, Love for reading, Loathing for television, Love of the outdoors and God’s creation, Politics, Uniqueness, Karate, Games, Dreaming, Travel, Staying home, Thunderstorms, and on and on, but most importantly wanting to be the best parents possible. Two very passionate people coming together and finding each other after very disappointing and heartbreaking relationships. Wanting something for our kids… the fulfillment of what a right relationship… what God intended from Adam on… should look like. To be a light in a world filled with selfish, follow happiness wherever it leads, people. Where one relationship is just a stepping stone to the next, where children are thrown to the sidelines in the pursuit of what’s good for ME! Our biggest desire being to offer this Light to our kids.

This past weekend I found out that my daughter was buying into this follow happiness at any cost lifestyle, thus shattering my perception that I would be the light for them to the way things should be. I can’t put into words how truly devastating this is. So with everything in life that I come across and am not quite sure how to handle… I reflect study and pray. Seeking answers as to why so as to fix or prevent future occurrences.

So as I sit and wonder, contemplating what my part in this was (is), I can’t help but look at my relationship with Ms J and the affect it might have in this situation. Is my relationship with Ms J being equated in the children’s minds as equal to my Xs illicit adulterous relationships? Has my relationship with Ms J progressed to a point where physical affection has added to the confusion my children are faced with? Have I in some way put my kids on a back burner while strengthening my relationship with Ms J? Is my relationship with Ms J’s Daughter somehow affecting their perception of my relationship with them? So many things to think about, so many things to contemplate.

I’ve been wrestling with this for a few days now and am not fully convinced of anything other than the fact that God brought us together. He brought us together to show a right relationship. Satan does not want to allow this to happen and will do whatever he can to destroy it. A right relationship with a Man, a Woman and God is the perfect picture of God, Christ and the Church. It is good to be awake and be cognizant of the questions that have come to mind. Sometimes you go through life and don’t ask hard questions just because in the short term it’s easier that way.

I want to have a right relationship with Ms J and above that with Christ. So in that vain I will stay the course as best I can. Exemplifying what I know to be God’s will praying that my children will see the light and that Light would expose the lies and deceit that they have been led astray with. I pray with all my heart that we can impart to them the skills and desire to pursue Godly relationships and to show them the truly abundant treasure you find in doing so. I pray that with our children we will start a revival of Godly marriages and families. I pray for strength and Wisdom to follow the path that God has laid before us.